I was reading this thread , and realized that I do not know what being a spoiled girlfriend entails, and that I have no idea what the differences are between NSA and FWB.
NSA - No strings attached. It stops being NSA when one or both parties have expectations about how the other behaves e. FWB - friends with benefits. Implies that 1 you're friends and know the person, and 2 there are benefits, namely sex. Notice no money, presents, etc is typically involved. Someone you hook up with that you trust, but that's about it.
Some describe FWB as "sex with breakfast" but that's about the limit before it's something more. In this case, the couple actually likes each other, but part of the attraction is the spoiling -- that the girlfriend is getting copious gifts or financial support from the boyfriend.
There are definitely expectations on both sides, and this isn't a NSA relationship. Once it moves to a monthly allowance, it's less NSA, because realistically both sides have strings -- expecting the other to follow through on the commitment from the allowance -- but it's still pretty NSA.
Once you're to the point that you expect the SB or SD to be with you on Christmas and New Years, to not see other people, etc, I'd say you're outside of the NSA realm and moving into more traditional relationship territory. This is where "spoiled girlfriend" comes into play. This is where you start getting into the area where trophy wives happen as well. Sugar Babies make explicit arrangements with SDs.
There are extras that can be negotiated for, or can just be unexpected surprises within an arrangement. Like traveling or shopping. You are what I like to call "shallow dating". Maybe you use fake names, you're not meeting each others' friends, you don't have any expectation of a future together. You are actually dating - no x times per month for y allowance. You know each other's real information. You meet the friends and family, etc.
You have a reasonable expectation that you could get married, etc. This could be a vanilla relationship with no financial aspect or it could be a sugar relationship. FWB is "Friends with Benefits". So not so one sided as we all might believe. If she weighs the same as a duck IMHO you're trying box escorting and sugaring based on some aspects and predefined notions of both.
Which is kind of a false dichotomy. So I'll probably lose all respect on here for this , but I met a SB for just one night. I was traveling and we developed a friendship decided to meet and whatever developed developed. Because of geography we may or may not ever see each other again and I think we're ok with that.
From my view it was an extremely short SR. I care for her, I think she's incredible, I plan on maintaining our friendship and if she ever needed anything I'd see what I can do to help her. What I'm getting at is johns don't care about escorts, they don't know their or care what their name, they don't care what they think or feel, the woman is just sex toy. Escorts don't give a shit about johns, they shut down get used, collect money and go. SRs on the other hand have a level of caring, compassion, and concern.
It's friendship or more. The intimacy is two people sharing themselves with each other. I've used SA to find a very-likely-one-time SB when traveling for business. They know this is the situation. We go out to dinner, or go to a concert or something akin to that, etc. Other than the I-slept-with-her-only-once aspect of it, that doesn't feel escorty to me. It's funny you say that - because I still have a couple of escorts I'm friends with on FB and occasionally keep in touch with.
I'm out of the country anyway. That's just how it is. Most guys on Tinder are just looking for a "free escort". A lot of guys on SA don't want to spend the effort on full dates. Do you mean "hookup"? The problem is Back Page got shut down and escorts flocked to SA. They are conditioning men to expect pay to play. They dip a toe in the bowl to pay for a concert or something and then get out.
So it takes time to find a real SB or SD. This makes a lot of sense. I have a POT that'll text on and off and has been for months, we've never worked anything out since I've always been out of town or when I'm around she ghosts.
Your statement made something click, she may only reach out when she has a need and runs down a list of "daddies" and whomever responds first gets her. This is relatively common.
I've messaged women on SA and texted, and decided they aren't for me. They come 'round every once in a while, clearly when they need an infusion of cash. I also had one relatively steady SB who broke it off because she found a full-time 'real' boyfriend.
Fair enough, and I wished her well. Well when a semester started she texted me looking for a one-timer. As much as I was attracted to her, that particular scene didn't interest me in the least! One thing that really confuses me about this forum is why so many people focus on labels and it seems everyone thinks that their definitions of these labels are the only correct definitions.
I understand that SA has to deny that escorts use their service because of legal risks. The proof is in the pudding. If you get what you desire out of a relationship then it is a success but I see no purpose in using ill defined labels. You or she could disappear tomorrow. With sugar, the relationship is less transactional and not wiped clean after every encounter unless maybe that is how PPM people think. They money clears that up.
So the duration and amount of emotional labor and engagement is different. That is how I think of it. When people say NSA I think they are hoping for some magic word to make there be no obligation, without having to deal with the consequences of that.
Everyone defines an SR in their own term and many not honestly but I agree; One of the parts of an SR I really enjoy is that emotional connection. If I just wanted sex I would hire an escort. It's just as much money and a lot less effort. NSA is a turn off for me. Because like you said, I want more than that. I treat an SR like an actual relationship. And of course also great sex. When I was searching months ago it became extremely frustrating weeding out all the NSA and "nothing serious" profiles.
While I understand that SA isn't meant to find love it still blew my mind how little commitment and effort most of the SBs in my area were bringing to the table.
I guess follow up question, what do you think the ratio of those just wanting a sexual SR to those who want more? I think the end of ads on craigs list and a number of other sites have driven a lot of escorts and escort clients to SA.
NSA as you describe it is basically an extended date with an escort, for a discount relative to an escort's hourly rate, with a woman who is presumably seeing fewer men than an escort. If you want to be cynical, these are men who are unable to afford an escort for what they want, but recognize they can find that in an SB.
For me, I appreciate a lot of those characteristics, but where things change is that I care about my SBs well-being, and as long as I can help them without exposing myself, I will do so. An escort doesnt want to get to know you, no dates, movies, spending tine, usually. Your on the clock with them by the minute. A sr is almost no different than a regular vanilla relationship except your supporting the sb with the cards on the table. That feels really sad to me. For me that's the case if I wasn't attracted to someone in SR, if I was just attracted to their money, in vanilla if I was just attracted to their body I wouldn't call that dating if it's mainly just sex , I'd call it fwb.
This is the second post or third I've seen comparing sugar dating to "ladies of the night". The other is some woman who was at risk of being outed as a "lady of the night" or sugar baby - posting in two forums. Escorts dont usually want to know anything about you. They want to get in and out so they can go back to their lives.. A mistress or lover on the side is hardly rare. If you find a real connection it's a different story, but in my experience that's more rare. I may need a concert buddy! But they do watch the clock and keep time. I am in the process of deciding whether to renew … It is not the money but the sheer aggravation that comes fps matchmaking knowing that I wasted my hookup, for. Are you willing to make him feel like a doe and give him what a GF cannot no hookup, flexibility, follow through on your end of the arrangement, etc?